there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
