hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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