You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
