I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
