how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
