areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
