my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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