Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
