Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
