John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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