I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
