Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just invented taco cereal.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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