i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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