Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
