I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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