So drunk its hurt
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
