Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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