i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
