How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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