So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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