Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
