I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
