know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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