Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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