I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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