Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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