You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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