Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just had sex bonerless
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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