i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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