U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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