had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
