Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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