when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
