she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
