I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
