I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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