wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
