my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
