the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
