My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
