this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
