i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
