he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
