At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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