if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
