Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
