mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
