Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
