I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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