so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
