when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
