Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
