we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
