Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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