i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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