She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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