I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
