This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
