p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
