There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
birth control should be required to get into college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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