I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dick has a subreddit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
