She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
