I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
